Inside this document, you will find important information about our culture of consent. We want everyone be able to express themselves and to feel SAFE!
What is consent?
Consent is complicated. You need consent for more than just sexual activity; touching, photographs, even having a conversation all require it. Consent is also more than just saying yes; the person giving consent needs to be in a mental state to agree and have the freedom to say no if they choose. Most importantly, consent isn’t just given once; situations change, emotions swing, and people are allowed to change their minds.
Consent is an agreement among people to engage in an activity together. To be sure you have consent, you need to be honest with your partner. This will help you both understand what the other wants and let you respect each other’s boundaries.
When and how to ask for consent?
The correct time to ask for consent is always.
Asking for consent means that everyone is being clear about their desires and limits. It is important to acknowledge that this conversation can be scary or awkward, but it doesn’t have to be. Asking for consent can be charming and sexy.
For example:
- Can I kiss/touch you?
- Is it ok if I give you a hug?
- Can I put my arm around you?
- Can I touch you here?
What do the answers mean?
“NO” means NO, always.
Always remember, respect this choice and never try to pressure a person or change their mind.
Here are different ways to say no:
- I don’t want to
- That doesn’t work for me
- I don’t like it this way, can we try something else
- This makes me uncomfortable
- Maybe we should wait
“YES” is a yes, but if they sound unsure, check again before you continue.
You can ask:
- “Should I keep going?”
- “Is it ok?”
- “Do you want me to try something else?”
Silence is not consent! You should clarify by asking.
When do I stop asking?
Never. People change their minds, it’s important to understand that consent can be removed at any time.
When things begins to heat up, don’t stop asking to take things to the next level:
- Can I touch you here?
- I just want to make sure that you’re ok with it?
- I don’t want you to feel pressured, can I continue?
You might worry that asking for consent sounds a little silly and going to be a total mood killer, but the alternative is unacceptable. The more you practice asking for consent, the more comfortable you will get with this kind of communication. Consent is necessary and serious, but it doesn’t mean sitting down for a clinical discussion or signing forms.
If you feel comfortable to want to get closer, talk openly about what you both need and want, it’s perfectly fine and sexy! If you are being asked, be understanding in your responses. If you’re asking, be clear with your wants and be ready to accept “no” as a response. And if your partner makes you uncomfortable in either situation, you need to advocate for yourself or leave the situation.
Final Thoughts
Please, remember, you don’t have consent if partner incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, if you pressure them, or if you have consent for one act but not another. Silence is not consent! The best way to know that you have consent is to ask.
The Gardens of Babylon is a safe space; all participants are family, people we want and can trust. Let’s create together safe place for all of us!
